The following was written Dec 07..after our 3rd Christmas without Greg.
Here we go, another year. Just so you know, after I sent out the last newsletter, I did decorate my tree. Mainly because my 7 year old looked at it the day I put it up and said "Mom, what are we suppose to do with that?" So we decorated it.
Each of us are at a different place. Some are still in the rawness of it, some are beginning to live above it, and others are farther along on this journey and can inspire the rest of us that it will steadily get easier. I understood what I felt after reading the following from a mother who describes her feelings. She wrote the following, " I didn't realize a heart could physically hurt from mental and emotional pain. I would find myself standing, anywhere, when it would feel as if my heart was being squeezed and my breath was being taken away. It felt like my next heartbeat was going to be the last. But then it beat again and again. I am going to survive this. It felt like the pain would not let the next beat happen, but it did. After so many times, you begin learning to live with the pain. I am learning that my heart can withstand far more pain than I ever imagined." I love Greg as much in death as I loved him in life. He is my son and I will always be his mom. We just went through our 3rd holidays without Greg and yes, I have to say it was easier this year. Do I feel guilty for saying that, sure. But it was different, we are laughing and smiling at the memories now, where before they made us sad. We are moving on in this journey. Hard, oh yes. We wouldn't be this far, if we hadn't talked with others and listened to others. We are not alone, and you are not either.One of the best ways to help yourself, I believe, is to honor your child or loved one eveyday. How do we honor Greg. By getting up everyday and taking another breath. We laugh and cry with those who knew his laugh and smile. We talk about him and celebrate good times with him. I take chances, say what I feel. Greg was my light, my heart, my gift. Everyday I want to make a difference, share a smile, live, laugh and love in honor of Greg.
With this new year starting I am wishing you warm memories and many smiles of joy.
Needs, Wishes and Regrets
2 years ago