You know I sit all evening last night and tried to find the best "Handling the Holidays" or "Surviving the Holidays" article, to share with you, to help you with some advice. I found so many, but none that said it all. I really don't know why, it was such a struggle for me. Maybe it was the fact that every single one had ideas to help that were so much easier said then done.
I so remember our first Thanksgiving, I was all the emotions we all talk about. I didn't even want to be around anyone.
All the written advice tells you to take care of yourself, think ahead, lower your expectations, change traditions, cry but also feel good, talk to others, memorialize your loved one, they go on and on.
My first year I wanted no part of trying to take care of myself, how in the world was I suppose to do that, also I didn't want to. Cry, well I did that just fine. I remember I rolled around in my pain, and everyone around me was in just as much hurt. I try to not show all the emotions, who wants to see that, but then what happens, I get grouchy. Well you can guess how Thanksgiving went. Bad.
December rolls in way to quickly. If it wasn't for my mom and my sister, basically taking me to town and telling me what to buy every single person, I would not have gotten anything done. I was numb, and I was okay with that. I remember walking into Toys R Us and seeing the Lego aisle 30 feet away and getting sick to my stomach and trying to breath my way through the store. Christmas came and went, remember much, I do not.
Thanksgiving number two rolls in and I avoided it completely and actually got the flu so it went by in a flash. December number 2 was worse then 1. Year 1, I was numb, year 2, I felt everything. I almost think numb was better. Christmas number 2 was also very emotional. All of November and December I was intent on making some changes in traditions. If anything was going to change, now is the perfect time for change, we have just had a life changing event and so changing a few things at Christmas should have been easy. I was wrong, I can't change things by myself. I was the only one willing to take chances on something different.
Toys R Us during the 2nd Christmas was easier. But still had to avoid the Lego aisle.
The first year, it felt like there was an elephant in the room. At first, I think it was because nobody knew what to do. But we are so fortunate that my family and friends speak of Greg all the time and that is the greatest gift I could have.
This year, as we shopped, we kept pointing out things that Greg would have had to have. We laughed. Toys R Us, Lego aisle, I spent time there, seeing all the Legos that we would have bought. I smiled and remembered. What fun we had putting all those Legos together.
I think I am slowly doing some healing. Funny how Toys R Us is my meter for healing. In time you will start using some of the advice given in those "Surviving The Holidays" idea papers. All of a sudden you will stop and realize you are doing it.
I do think ahead, I say NO, I have no expectations, I'm still working on trying to get support for new traditions, I cry and I also feel good sometimes, I talk to everyone, and more important, I memorialize Greg every second, he is in everything I do, from the lighting of a candle to standing in the Lego aisle.
I finally pulled my tree out of the basement last week and put it up in the corner of the room. What am I going to do with it, I don't know. If I don't put a light or ornament on it, who cares...
it's a start.
My wish for each of you this holiday season....A feeling of peace and hope. Light a candle. Remember. Always Laugh.
Lee Ann Hutson
I so remember our first Thanksgiving, I was all the emotions we all talk about. I didn't even want to be around anyone.
All the written advice tells you to take care of yourself, think ahead, lower your expectations, change traditions, cry but also feel good, talk to others, memorialize your loved one, they go on and on.
My first year I wanted no part of trying to take care of myself, how in the world was I suppose to do that, also I didn't want to. Cry, well I did that just fine. I remember I rolled around in my pain, and everyone around me was in just as much hurt. I try to not show all the emotions, who wants to see that, but then what happens, I get grouchy. Well you can guess how Thanksgiving went. Bad.
December rolls in way to quickly. If it wasn't for my mom and my sister, basically taking me to town and telling me what to buy every single person, I would not have gotten anything done. I was numb, and I was okay with that. I remember walking into Toys R Us and seeing the Lego aisle 30 feet away and getting sick to my stomach and trying to breath my way through the store. Christmas came and went, remember much, I do not.
Thanksgiving number two rolls in and I avoided it completely and actually got the flu so it went by in a flash. December number 2 was worse then 1. Year 1, I was numb, year 2, I felt everything. I almost think numb was better. Christmas number 2 was also very emotional. All of November and December I was intent on making some changes in traditions. If anything was going to change, now is the perfect time for change, we have just had a life changing event and so changing a few things at Christmas should have been easy. I was wrong, I can't change things by myself. I was the only one willing to take chances on something different.
Toys R Us during the 2nd Christmas was easier. But still had to avoid the Lego aisle.
The first year, it felt like there was an elephant in the room. At first, I think it was because nobody knew what to do. But we are so fortunate that my family and friends speak of Greg all the time and that is the greatest gift I could have.
This year, as we shopped, we kept pointing out things that Greg would have had to have. We laughed. Toys R Us, Lego aisle, I spent time there, seeing all the Legos that we would have bought. I smiled and remembered. What fun we had putting all those Legos together.
I think I am slowly doing some healing. Funny how Toys R Us is my meter for healing. In time you will start using some of the advice given in those "Surviving The Holidays" idea papers. All of a sudden you will stop and realize you are doing it.
I do think ahead, I say NO, I have no expectations, I'm still working on trying to get support for new traditions, I cry and I also feel good sometimes, I talk to everyone, and more important, I memorialize Greg every second, he is in everything I do, from the lighting of a candle to standing in the Lego aisle.
I finally pulled my tree out of the basement last week and put it up in the corner of the room. What am I going to do with it, I don't know. If I don't put a light or ornament on it, who cares...
it's a start.
My wish for each of you this holiday season....A feeling of peace and hope. Light a candle. Remember. Always Laugh.
Lee Ann Hutson
2 comments:
You go friend! I am proud that you are better this season. Will we ever be "well"? Nope. Not in this life,..but we can be better! I am anxious to know how your talk went. I prayed hard for you that night and lifted you up again this afternoon as I shopped. I mentally thought of and called out all the bereaved moms I know. I asked God to give us all comfort as we shopped. There's way too many of us,.....just so many.....
Lee Ann,
So glad Christmas shopping was better for you this year. I was sick during Thanksgiving and didn't put up a Christmas tree. You give me hope that there are better days to come.
Doris
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