Written February 2008

Hello,
Like everyone else I am so ready for Spring to arrive. This time of year really beats up the heart and soul, the gray skies and dreary days. I am so ready for the opening up of the sky, so the sun can pour in and refresh my soul.
Some random thoughts, please bear with me.
Don't you wish we had training manuals on just about everything. I have a book called "Beyond Sympathy, What to say to a person who has suffered a loss." It should be a required reading for everyone. I scan through it occasionally. Even since our loss, I don't know what to say to people. Do you find that strange? We should know what to say. We know not to say about 95% of what we have been told. I went into the post office last fall and Jill, said "I have been thinking about you alot lately? I said Thank you, (I presumed she remembered it was my son Greg's angel date month) Jill continued to tell me, her daughter had passed away a few weeks prior. I honestly stood there, not having a clue what to say. We shared stories and talked about her daughter. I got into the car and looked at Daryl and said "No wonder no one knows what to say to us, when I don't even know what to say." I am learning to just speak from the heart, be sincere.
Random thought, Who would buy a shirt with me that says, I LOVE TO HEAR MY CHILD'S NAME! or ASK ME ABOUT MY CHILD or even IF IM CRYING DONT BE AFRAID OF ME. (Can any of you relate to the following?) I was having a moment one day at work and was crying very obviously At least 20 min went by and no one spoke to me, I felt really alone. Then two people just walked up and gave me a hug, they knew they didn't have to say a word. My boss asked if I was okay, everyone was coming to her wondering if it was a significant date. I am not ashamed of my tears, whether in private or public. I sometimes feel as if others think that what I have is catching. Or the obvious, they have not read the manual either on what to say to a grieving heart.
How do I fix it? I don't have the answer yet. One thing, I do is talk and maybe someone will listen and understand, or maybe I should just buy a shirt.
Lee ann