Raw, the hurt is so deep and you can't even see the surface yet. Don't think you ever will.
Becky Russell (weepyseeds blog) said to us in Chicago 2 years ago...Time heals, it has to. Because nobody can live with that type of pain.

November 19 2005
It has been 2 months ago today, I lost you. I want you to walk in that door so badly it hurts to breath. I am so homesick to see you, nothing else matters. I feel like I am just going through the motions of living. Trent misses you so much. I want to touch you, talk to you, hold your hand. I feel like my soul is gone. I am so sorry that you felt you were disappointing us. I want to know what happened. I am going crazy going back to that morning. I try to change it every time, and your still gone. I feel like I cant take deep enough breaths. I want to breath for you. I pray you know how much I love you. I am so sorry. I don’t think I can read any or enough grief books to help me through this. I can’t get through these days quick enough. I love you babe. Every where I look you should be standing there. I see your face everywhere. I read that I am to start a new life - How can I do that? I don’t want to, you were my life, what am I suppose to do now. I have to be a mom for Trent, I pray I don’t mess things up with him.
You are missed by so many. Allie loves you so much. Tregg is suffering and Josh is hurting and is so confused. We all miss you so much.
We just don’t understand and never will. I want to run away, be by myself. Nothing is important anymore. Material things, how the house looks, nothing. You were my sunshine every morning at 545 am. I miss that so much. I see you walk in every morning. My heart hurts.
I love you, MOM